FIRST MAJOR STUCK/PB in 11 months

As I have written about I have been struggling with restriction - not even knowing if I really had a band in there since I had been able eat anything with no real problems.   Well. . . . . NOT ANYMORE! 
If you read a couple of posts ago I had gone for a fill early last week and have been noticing restriction and have had to be much more careful than anytime in the previous 11 months. 

Last night I had a truly terrifying and unbelievably uncomfortable experience.   I am back in Bermuda for two days for business.  I was at a BBQ at a colleagues house with a couple other business/friends.  This man is an incredible host.  He has a beautiful home and is a real wine lover.  He opened up these amazing bottles of wine for us to taste.  I was fine with the wine and even had a couple pieces of cheese but when we started dinner - which was fabulous steak and sides - I got more stuck than ever.  I just had a few bites of steak but I didn't chew well enough.  And then I tasted this au gratin potato and that was it.  I took my cell phone and said I had to go check on my kids.  Went to the bathroom and immediately texted Nicole from Better Banded who advised me to make it all come up.  So I did. . again, and again, and again. . .and everytime I thought it was done I had to get back up and go back to the bathroom.  I have never experienced anything like this.   

Finally I told my host - who is a colleague/friend that I was just going through period of getting hot and must be having a flash from early menopause.  It was better than the alternative. . .I got food stuck in my lapband.  He was so nice about it and since I had lost my voice from my Christmas party the other night - everyone else just assumed I wasn't feeling well.  

So we left and I was so disappointed to not drink more of the amazing wine but that is just a sidenote. . .in the cab back to the hotel and it is still coming up.  I wisely sat in the front and bought napkins with me but I couldn't make it back to the hotel.  Had to get out of the cab on Front Street -and proceeded to PB again. 

Finally - I felt better.  So embarrassed though.  I just can not believe how violent this episode was.  It has changed everything and now I am once again very afraid of my band (as I was at first when I didn't know its limits). 

This morning I did manage to get a protein shake down and I am not hungry!  I think this new restriction is a function of my recent fill and also some stress - have been going through au pair issues once again which I will post about another time - and also other things with year-end at work.  Nothing I can't handle but it was a tough day/weekend before this happened. 

I have to say that after not feeling much restriction or benefits from the band for the last year - I am happy that I went through this.  I feel like it is giving me renewed hope that with the help of this tool I can finally lose the weight. 

Hope everyone is having a good week and I promise to update soon! 

xoxo Susan

Bermuda Black Tie Event! Fill seems to be working. . . motivation back!

Hi everyone!  I am committed to blogging more to keep me on track and excited.  Especially by reading about all your success stories!  So inspiring to see Nora so close to Onederland and Ronnie so close to goal.  I am not going to let it depress me that I was banded around the same time as them (same date as Ronnie) and sit here only 30 lbs down.  I was at 42 down back in April/May but then gained some.  I know that I just can't give up.  And working with a new practice that is much closer to follow-up with fills is already making a difference.  I have been starting to feel like a weight loss surgery failure.  But I am really trying so hard to remember what I said at the beginning of this journey - that "Failure is Not an Option!"

I am down in Bermuda and it is a gorgeous day here.  Around 70 and Sunny.  Tonight is my firm's Bermuda Office Christmas Party which is a big Black Tie event at a Hotel.  I have never been because I technically work for the U.S. division but since I had a meeting here this morning I decided I would stay.  I bought a new Tadashi long dress that I am actually looking forward to wearing with my Spanx of course.  I will try to upload a picture from my iPad later. 

I have been staying away from alcohol and salt all week so that I will feel better in the dress tonight and I think it is working. 

Bye for now. . . I will be back soon. 

xoxo  Susan

Hanging in! Fill Update - amount in the tubes?

I had a follow-up with the PA at my new doctor's office. She said I only had 4.2 cc's in my band that was filling it and the rest was in the tubes.  I had never heard of this before with my other practice.  So basically all the fluid was in my tubes and none was really tightening my band.  So she gave me another cc which would bring me up to 5.2 cc's in my band. 
Has anyone had any experience with this??

I do feel something.  I slowly sipped my protein shake this morning but then was hungry by 10:30 and had 1/2 cup of split pea soup and 2 teaspoons of egg salad.

I am really starting to feel down about my lack of loss and success with the band since I am coming up to my one year bandiversary.  But I will not let myself give up.   

Calling all BOOBS with a question on Esophogram. . .

So sorry that I have not posted. I don't know what is wrong with me.  Not losing and having a tough time motivating.  I spoke to many of you about my lack of restriction and ability to eat anything and everything.  I finally went for my esophogram/stomach x-ray this morning.  The radiologist doesn't tell you much but what I was able to see if that the liquid went right down without even stopping at all.  Not even briefly!  He didn't see a "pouch" on the top of the band but did say that it didn't erode or really didn't look like it had slipped (although he didn't know where it had been placed). 
I will have to wait until the PA at my new doctors office sees it this afternoon for more information.  I had it sent to my old doctor in NYC and the new one in CT.  I had switched because it was hard to go for the follow-up visits the way I should be in NYC. 

So my question is when you have had esophograms done - did the liquid drip down slowly? 

I supposedly have over 9 cc's in my 11 cc band.  Something must be wrong. 

Thank you Jennifer Lopez!

With a little help from Jennifer Lopez I did my 50 minute walk at the beach today and up and down my big hill 2x.  My all time favorite motivating song is "Let's Get Loud".  I did my first post surgery workout to it and I just love the lyrics so I included them below from my earlier post back in December. 

I am hoping that one good decision leads to the next. . . woke up, had my protein shake, went for the walk, went food shopping and bought a rotisserie chicken (my best go to food to make me full and one of the only things I get stuck on if not careful).

I was a little bummed that we were not invited to a Labor Day BBQ so making one of our own and two of my husband's friends are coming over.  Someone he works with and his partner.  Going to make skirt steak, boneless chicken thighs, spicy sausage (both chicken and pork), a big salad and corn.  I can stay away from the corn and so with the chicken and salad I will be good.  I told him I am not putting out chips or anything for before because we have a lot of BBQ food and I don't want to pick and eat too much. 

So far today:
Protein shake with almond milk.
5 ounces of rotisserie chicken. 
Pretty good start! 

Enjoy the "last day of summer"! 

xoxo Susan



"Let's Get Loud"[Chorus:]
Let's get loud, let's get loud
Turn the music up, let's do it
C'mon people let's get loud
Let's get loud
Turn the music up to hear that sound
Let's get loud, let's get loud
Ain't nobody gotta tell ya
What you gotta do

If you wanna live your life
Live it all the way and don't you waste it
Every feelin' every beat
Can be so very sweet you gotta taste it
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say
Life's a party, make it hot
Dance don't ever stop, whatever rhythm
Every minute, every day
Take them all the way you gotta live 'em ('cause I'm going to live my life)
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say [Chorus:]
Let's get loud, let's get loud
Turn the music up to hear that sound
Let's get loud, let's get loud
Ain't nobody gotta tell you
What you gotta do

[Break]
Life is meant to be big fun
You're not hurtin' anyone
Nobody loses
Let the music make you free
Be what you wanna be
Make no excuses
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
To gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say

Weekends are tough. . .

When you aren't in a routine and all the social activities revolve around food.  I am hanging in there this weekend though! Yesterday I was so proud of myself for getting my butt back walking again.  I did my 50 minute walk at the beach including this major hill that I went up and down twice -- even the most fit "skinny mini's" typically walk his hill about 2-3 times - some I have heard are up to 5.  It was a great feeling to be back out there again with all the people exercising - I hadn't since mid July.  And I was just getting to the point where I could do the hill 3 times. 
The bad news is I didn't get back out there this morning and I really could have.  We had a friend sleep over with her two boys and I felt like I should get breakfast.  So I picked up bagels, etc.  And did fantastic for the first couple of hours - had my protein shake while everyone ate bagels but then when we couldn't decide what to do for the day after my friend left - I ate a bagel out of boredom.  Was not even hungry.  But good news now. . . I didn't let it ruin my whole day and after that I made mostly decent choices.  

Bedtime for the boys now. . . sometimes the hardest part of the day.  My kids hate going to bed.  And they are only 3, 4, and 6 - I can only imagine what I am in for in a few years.  I WISHHHHH the au pair was here so my husband I could go out but have to wait a week and then have her get used to the boys.  I really can't wait to get back into a routine - have not been in one since mid-July. 

Anyway. . .before I ramble too much I will say good night.  Hope everyone is having a fabulous Labor Day weekend!  Tomorrow the weather here will not be great but we hope to BBQ anyway. 

xoxo  Susan

I'm Back! Chicago and Meeting All of You Wonderful B.O.O.B.S is Giving Me Motivation!

Back to logging everything into My Fitness Pal. 

Back to thinking that "Failure is not an option".  I have been feeling over the last couple of months like I would be one of those people who just said that Lapband didn't work for me.  I really don't know what is going on with my band.  I have over 9 cc's in it and I can still eat pretty much anything I want - although some things more slowly than others.  I am making an appointment to have a fluoroscope soon.  My one year Bandiversary is December 20th so I would have to do it anyway.  I was a self-pay so I only want to have to do it once. 

I NEVER PB or throw up.  Occasionally I get stuck if I eat dry beef, chicken, or sometimes a pasta noodle too fast. 

I am down 35 lbs from my high.  That is up 7-8 lbs from my low.  It is so depressing to admit that but that is what this blog is for. . .accountability and not having to worry about admitting the truth. 

Over the last couple of months I think I lost that hopefully feeling I had at the beginning of my journey.  I don't know why I lost it but I do know that I need to get it back and all it will take is seeing the scale move down a bit.  I put on about 4 lbs on my trip to Ireland at the beginning of August and haven't been able to get in the groove and take it off. 

In addition to some upcoming business trips - I have Chicago to look forward to - I want to feel good when I meet all of you - and in mid-October I am going to South Beach to stay at the Setai Hotel which looks fabulous with two of my best friends - one is a really skinny mini (maybe 100 lbs - she was insulted when I asked if she weighed 115 :) and the other is tall with a great figure too.  Both of them LOVE to eat.  Anyway - I want to have clothes I like and while I won't look like them I just need to feel comfortable and enjoy the 4 night girls trip away. 

Some other news. . . my boys started school yesterday.  I have a Kindergartener and a 1st grader.  God I just love the feeling of putting them on that bus!  My 3 year old doesn't have pre-school until next week.  We made the last minute decision to put the middle one in Kindergarten.  He is not 5 until November and in CT the cutoff is December 31st.  My husband wanted to hold him back a year like most people do but he wanted to go and refused to go back to pre-school.  We disagreed and I won so now it best work out or I will really hear it!  I know we are going against what a lot of people lately do but I had to go with my gut. 

Our new au pair comes on the 10th and I can't wait!  All of my extra time has been spent on laundry and taking care of the boys and I have not actually worked out or gone on the treadmill since mid-July which is just horrible. 

There is so much to say since I have been absent for so long but I know the longer posts are harder for everyone to keep up with.   

I am really so excited for B.O.O.B.S.   Meeting all my "band-idols" whose blogs helped motivate me to do this and all of you going through this with me is just going to be fantastic!  

Hope everyone enjoys the Labor Day weekend. 

xoxo Susan

  

Hanging in there and making some progress! Off to Dublin tomorrow.

Hello!  I am slow and steady.  Lost about 1 lb this week and am happy with that.  Still not at the low I reached in April but not far off.  I am happy to see posts from three of my favorite bloggers whose blogs were the first I read - Catherine, Gen, and Jenny - keep posting! 

Tomorrow am off to Dublin for our quarterly Board meeting.  It is at a really nice resort outside of Dublin (Ritz Carlton) and I am very, very excited!  Except that there is some stuff going on that will make it a bit stressful/hectic workwise but all good.  Actually a real chance to show my value in my role.  Tough to explain more here. . . but nevertheless just very excited.  I haven't been overseas in a couple of years.  A bit of an NSV in that I am not totally freaking that I have nothing to wear. I have some nice things at this weight.  Of course I was hoping to be 20 lbs lighter by now but what can you do. . . I am on the right path and I will get there. 

On the homefront it has been a bit hectic because we had a new au pair come and she is horrible!  Or I should just say not a good fit.  She doesn't want to work hard and it is not easy taking care of three boys.  She must have been a bit spoiled at home with her mother doing everything for her and thought this would be fun.  So she is leaving at the end of next week when I get back.  And we have a new one coming on September 10th and I made sure I did a much better job screening.  It is such a crap shoot but we have had two absolutely wonderful experiences with au pairs and I know that we will have another one.  When you need 45 hours of childcare a week it is still the most economical thing.  If anyone is considering one please feel free to e mail me with any questions.

Off to pack!  Have a great weekend! 

xoxo  Susan

Thank you so much for the support - I NEED IT!

I am so sorry I have not been blogging.  I have been struggling and rather than use the blog for support I have shyed away.  Well - I am back!  Yesterday was my 7 month bandiversary.  I would say that I was doing great up until month 5 and then I just don't know what happened.  Basically I don't feel like I am getting enough "help" from my band.  I know it is just a tool and I have to use it and do most of the work but I thought that it would stop me from eating certain things as I have read on many of your blogs and it just doesn't.  It does stop me from being incredibly hungry and I truly believe had I not been banded in December I would have been approaching 300 lbs right now.  So sitting here 7 months later and being 225 is not so bad! 

The good news is that I really do feel so much better.  I am so happy to have this support group which I am going to rely on more than I have been. 

I had a fill two days ago - 0.5 cc's which brings me up to 9.2 cc's.  It seems like soooo much to me and yet I have still never slimed or PB'd and I much more than I know I should be.  I do feel some restriction and have to slow down but not what I thought 9.2 cc's would bring.  I am going to give this a little time and if I still don't feel like things are right I will go for a fluoroscope next month.  I think if anything I might have stretched my pouch from eating too much.  Any thoughts would be very helpful!     

Thanks again for highlighting my blog.  Off to start the day but will post with an update on other things. . .

AND HOPE EVERYONE STAYS COOL!  THIS HEAT IS CRAZY! 

I HATE BLOGGER! SO UPSET

I just spent 40 minutes typing my 6 month bandiversary post really pouring out my feelings and it was lost when trying to upload. 
No time to write again now. Just had to share my frustration.  It S***!!!! 

Still here! Fill Update - I don't get it ?????

I read all your posts multiple times a day but I haven't been posting - I don't really know why.  Things are fine - I would say still pretty status quo.  I am at 225.4 which is down 39 lbs from my high.  The lowest I have gotten is 221.4.  My six month bandanniversary is June 20th and I was really hoping to be down 60 lbs but now will be thrilled if I get get closer to 50 lbs down which will be tough. 

I had a slight fill earlier in the week and now am at 8.7 cc in my 11 cc band.  I think that is so much to have in there but I still can eat pretty much anything I want and I don't get it.  I have never PB'd.  I have gotten stuck a couple of times - mostly from eating dry chicken too fast or one time a string cheese. 

I have to admit that I am never really hungry and I know that it is the purpose of the band so from that aspect it is definitely doing its job.  I guess where I am a bit disappointed/confused is the amount of food that I can still eat without any trouble at this high level of restriction.  Has this happenned to anyone else?  I know that the band is just a tool and I need to start thinking of it that way again and find my willpower to begin losing again.  I think I was successful early on because I was so afraid of the band.  Unfortunately not so afraid anymore. 

The thing I still don't get when I read about some of you being so tight and PBing from water and only able to eat such small quantities that you need an unfill - why is that not happening to me.  I know I should be glad on the one hand. 

I guess it comes down to this unbelievable appetite I have and how much I love to eat - that is what got me to 265 lbs in the first place.  I need to get it under control. 

Any advice/suggestions please send my way!

So jealous BUT inspired by The Biggest Loser

Haven't watched regularly but watching tonight and these transformations in just 5 months are amazing! and I am loving watching the videos with the heavy self talking to the new thin self. I actually have tears in my eyes.

I need to refocus so I can consistently lose again.

In Bermuda and home tomorrow. Another great trip but too many meals out. I did go to the gym this morning and will go again tomorrow before my flight.

Status Quo - in the same "trading range"

Unfortunately I am still in the same "trading range" as we say in my business.  Up and down the same 2-3 lbs and I just can't break out of it.  But I will.  I keep reminding myself what I said at the beginning of this journey that "FAILURE IS JUST NOT AN OPTION".   And I know I will get down to goal - it will jsut take time. I am still proud of my progress - down 40 lbs (give or take 2-3) in a little less than 5 months.  My biggest problem is head hunger because I eat more than I need to - to satisfy my hunger.  I am just not hungry most of the time but I still find myself looking for something to eat. 

I really don't see how I could need a fill since I am up to 8.5 in a 10 cc band. 
On the exercise front I have been doing great - walking at least 40 minutes 5-6 times a week. 

I went to California this week on a business trip - to San Francisco, one of my favorite cities.  Had a great time - went to a Giants game and my meetings all went well.  This month I am on the road a lot - it just varies by the time of year.  I am back to Bermuda for a quick Monday to Wednesday trip this week and then home for one night before spending a night in NYC for another Conference.  I know it must sound like a lot having three little kids but I really am fortunate that when I am not traveling I work at home so get to see them much more than if I were in an office for 5 days a week.  They are really good about it too and don't complain.  Part of that is because we have had a wonderful Au Pair for the last 18 months and her last day was yesterday.  We are very sad but know that she has to go back home to Sweden and her family.  Our old Au Pair from Finland is visiting for 7 weeks starting in June and then we will welcome a new one at the end of June- also from Finland.  So some changes going on here and hopefully the boys will adjust well. 

Tonight I am hoping to get my husband to go see that new movie "Bridesmaids".  It got great reviews and I heard it was hysterical and not just a chick flick.  Two of my friends are going but I feel bad leaving my husband on a Saturday night.  I say that now but we'll see. . . girls night out might win. 

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend and I am going to try really hard to be a better blogger.  I think blogging helps so much and keeps me accountable.  So strategy is to focus on staying below 1200 calories, keep up my exercise, drink water, and BLOG! 

xoxo Susan

Great Trip to Bermuda :) NSV's!

My last morning in Bermuda.  Came down here for our quarterly Board meeting.  This was one of my best trips yet!  I am just feeling so much better about myself - have my confidence back which just shows in everything that I do.  One of the reasons I got the lap band was because I felt my weight was really beginning to affect my career and it was a horrible feeling.  So things are definitely back on track and headed in the right direction.  Down on the scale. . . I hope.  A good thing about being here is I can't weigh myself and for someone who is as scale obsessed as I am (literally about 6 times a day) it is a refreshing break.  I know how bad it is to weigh myself so many times a day but one issue at a time here.

Lots of NSV's - mostly people commenting although on an individual basis that I lost weight and giving me encouragement.  I was so much more comfortable on the airplane.  Also went to the gym for the last 4 mornings in a row before 7:00 am and did 40 minutes of fast walking on the treadmill.  My favorite part of the day was stopping at the hotel pool for 15 minutes with a cup of coffee after my workout.  

I was pretty good at meals but not great - I ordered fish at every dinner - had no bread at all - but at one dinner I accept the dessert that was served thinking I would eat the berries but it was the most delicious almond tiramisu and I didn't resist!  I am definitely able to still enjoy dining.  Had more wine than I should have but that's okay - we were all out enjoying.

Can't wait to get home and see my boys.  But I really do cherish my time away on business trips.  Working at home I sometimes miss the interaction with people in the office.  Luckily I have the best of both worlds. . . life is good!  :) 

Will post more later and hopefully the scale will be friendly. 

xoxo  Susan

So far so good. . .getting back on track

My goal today is to avoid snacking!! 

8:30 am    Fage Greek yogurt with 1 cup strawberries
10:30 am  40 minute walk on treadmill at 4.0 incline and 3.5-3.6 mph
11:30 am  Protein shake (EAS Myloplex Lite in vanilla w/frozen strawberries)
2:00 pm    1 cup Southwestern Tortilla soup pureed with rotisserie chicken
4:00 pm    Tzo Passion fruit tea

I have to keep it going and take one day at a time. 

Fingers crossed this fill does the trick!

Got my fill yesterday - 1 cc so now I am up to 8.5 cc's.  I am not hungry but I really need to focus on the head hunger.  I still have the desire to eat.  So I need to get back in the losing mode because I know that will motivate me.  I was doing so well and then got caught up in PIZZA!  I am staying away from PIZZA and wine for now.  I do have plans on Saturday night and if I am good for the next couple of days I will allow myself 2 glasses of wine while out but must order grilled fish and vegetables and stay away from carbs. 

About to hit the treadmill. . . step 1. 

6 Pieces of Pizza - how is this possible???????

I was kicking a** - having lost 3 lbs on vacation - and was down 43 lbs in total - that was on Friday morning.  Fast forward to Monday and I was back up 5 lbs.  So what happened. . . PIZZA and wine.  Friday night I went out with a girlfriend in NYC - we went to see a show - the new Ben Stiller and Edie Falco drama which had excellent acting.  Before the show out for drinks and appetizers at Del Fresco Steakhouse.  I was pretty good and Saturday morning only up 1 lb. probably b/c of the drinks.  Saturday day was perfect but then out to dinner with my husband.  3 glasses of wine later - and one half a dessert - up another 1 lbs on Sunday.  I know most of this is water weight.  Sunday have a great day until dinner.  Driving home from my sisters house (I was alone with the boys) and my 6 year old had to go to the bathroom.  So stopped in a town (Greenwich) and went to a great Pizza place and of course I told the boys we would have dinner since I couldn't resist the pizza.  A glass of wine and 3 slices at the restaurant - they were thin crust.  But - and this is a WTF moment - 3 more slices as I was driving.  I don't know what got into me?????? Then I also finished my son's ice cream cone.  And all while driving.  I NEVER DO THAT ANYMORE.  But instead of allowing myself to get really setback - I made a fill appt for tomorrow. 

Today I was not so great - decided I was only going to eat Protein so had egg white omlette for breakfast and then for lunch had half of a Rotisserie chicken.  That is just way too much food for a bandster to be able to consume.  I don't get hungry but need to stop eating.  Has any of this happened to anyone else.  I have 7.5 cc's in my 10 cc band.  I am thinking she will give me 0.5 tomorrow and bring me up to 8.  The nurse that does my fills is pretty aggressive.  I never PB - not once and have only gotten stuck if I eat too fast and don't chew. 

I have to admit I am getting a little scared that the band isn't going to work for me.  I know it is just a tool and I have been working it but most of my weight loss has been from willpower and diet.  And prior to my gain - it took me over a month to lose those couple of pounds and I was feeling so good. 

So what is my strategy - not to stress over it - I am not failing - just had a little set back.  Hopefully satisfied my pizza craving for a while.  And - I do need to stay away from the wine because it lowers my inhibitions and I eat more. 

And I need to blog - I have been reading and commenting on all of your blogs but not posting.  Send some encouragement my way - has this happened to anyone else?????

xoxo  Susan

Airplane Outfit. . .leaving for Florida "Vacation" tomorrow

Hi everyone!  Things have been so hectic getting ready for our trip to Florida tomorrow.  I have finally settled on the outfit for the airplane above.  And also a new picture now that I am down 40 lbs.  It is a new Michael Kors sweater and jeans that I haven't worn in 3 years.  Now why am I stressing over my airplane outfit???  I always like to dress nice on the plane - you never know who you will run into (and I guess b/c I travel for business a lot) but also my parents will be picking us up and I have not seen them since October as I mentioned in a previous post.  So they didn't see me after I gained my final 10 lbs but also haven't seen me since my surgery.  Although I have now lost 40 lbs most of the summer I was about 30 lbs heavier putting on the last 10 in October/November. 
I am very excited to go down but it will not be a vacation without a babysitter.  And it is also a pretty busy time for me with work and I will be checking my blackberry.  One of these days I will take a REAL VACATION! 

It is the Jewish holiday of Passover and so we will have two big dinners called Seders on Monday and Tuesday.  It is one of my favorite holidays.  For the first one we are going to my cousin's house who I have not seen in a long time and I am so excited for her to see my boys and to hang out.  She has about 35 people over for dinner so it will by a bit crazy.  And I will be seeing some of my cousins and my Aunt and Uncle who I spent Thanksgiving with right after I decided on surgery so I was at my heaviest.  It will be interesting to hear what they say - my Aunt knows about the lapband but she promised not to tell my cousins. 

For the second night we are going to my parents club so they can show off their three grandsons.  So of course I have been stressing over what to wear.  Back in 2003 right when I met my husband I went down there for Passover and I remember talking to him on phone and being so excited.  8 years later and I am returning for the holiday with about 55 lbs (but down from 95), a husband, and three sons.  In 2003 I wore a gorgeous St. John black dress suit and high Manolo Blahnik heels.  Maybe next year I will be able to wear it.  Not sure what I will wear this year but not too worried.  I have a few sweater sets, nice black slacks and some fun wedge platform sandals.  I will post some pictures.  I wish I could figure out how to upload pictures from my iPhone directly to my blog.  If anyone can help with this please let me know. 

Interestingly I am not worried about the food while on vacation.  I bet I actually lose because I don't see myself snacking as much as I do when working at home. 

Off to finish packing. . .

Take care xoxo  Susan

Bad, Bad Blogger - losing and gaining the same 2-3 lbs

That's me - haven't been good about blogging lately which is what helps to keep me on track.  I have been reading and trying to post on all of yours lately though and it does still help.  Here I sit - between 38 - 40 lbs down (Saturday morning I saw 41 but now 39) and I keep losing and gaining the same 2-3 lbs.  The problem is I snack and "pick" on food especially in the mid afternoon.  Not a ton but still not good.  The extra calories I am eating doing this is what has to be stalling my weight loss.  I have been pretty good about exercising. 

I have an important short term goal - we are leaving for Florida to visit my parents next Wednesday, April 13th.  I have not seen them since way before my surgery.  They live in Florida for 9 months out of the year and usually visit in the fall or around the holidays but this year for some reason they didn't come up.  They have been very supportive about my surgery - this time.  A year ago when I wanted it they were not but then watched me gain another 25 lbs and got on board. 

My mom is weight obsessed - why is it so many of us deal with that.  She is 5'4" and about 140 lbs but thinks she is overweight.  Not easy to deal with all the time but I know that she just wants me to be healthy.  My dad is pretty fitness and weight obsessed too.  He's about 175 and I can't wait to be lower than him. 

It is going to be pretty chaotic and not a real vacation with 3 kids, no nanny and parents. 

I definitely am starting to feel much more restriction than before - you were all right - it could take about 2 weeks to settle in.  Now I just need to work the band and get rid of the head hunger - I am definitely never really hungry. 

Promise to post more. 

xoxo  Susan

Book of Mormon

Just saw the play on Broadway and it was hysterical!!! Highly recommend it if you don't mind profanity and don't get disturbed easily. My husband really enjoyed his birthday dinner at The Palm which was delicious. The only bad part of the night is taking the train home. So tired and won't get home until nearly midnight.

My overall net calories for the day after adjusting for my treadmill walk were about 1600. Not terrible for having dinner at The Palm including 2 glasses of wine and a few bites of dessert.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

When do you start to feel the fill? Now have 7.5 cc in 10 cc band

Got a fill yesterday and I am still not sure I feel any different.  I did eat my yogurt slower this morning.  Yesterday stuck to the liquids and today mushies.  I am really going to focus on not eating until I am full and seeing how long I stay satisfied.  It is so tough to separate the real hunger from the head hunger. 

Goal for today - 80 ounces of water, under 1200 calories, 30-40 minutes on the treadmill.  Off to walk. 
Have a great day! 

It had to be Lindsay Lohan at Dos Caminos! Tried to fool us!

Lindsay Lohan's Week of Partying in New York City

http://www.people.com/.  I don't believe there is someone who looks that much like her and Dos Caminos is totally a place she would go. 

Thanks for all the comments and support on my pictures!

It has taken me a while to post them.  I did pick the worst one of the before pictures but you can tell just how swollen and uncomfortable I was.  I truly look pregnant and weighed more than at my pregnancy high. 

Today was another good day.  Started off with Chobani yogurt then for lunch met two girlfriends at the Japanese restaurant.  I had 3 shumai and then ate 1/2 of my sea bass.  Was not in the mood for sushi.  I took the other half home but them did errands and didn't think it was wise to keep the fish :)  One of my girlfriends is just starting to go through a divorce so we were giving her support and just talking through everything.  It is hard but she really tried to fix things and now needs to do this. 

For snack had a 1 oz piece of Brie from Trader Joe's - my favorite cheese snack and actually for dinner I just had a protein shake because for some reason I was in the mood for one.  I will probably have another snack later.  Today is a 5-6 small meal day.  Have a bit of a headache and just not that hungry today.  Hope I am not coming down with something again.   

Not that much going on but I want to be a more consistent blogger.  Tomorrow and Thursday I have meetings in NYC so need to get some rest. . . 

xoxo  Susan

Good morning! The scale was my friend today - now down 38 lbs from high

Forty is so close and I can't even think about 50 -wow will that feel good.  Trying to stay on track and so far so good.  I am really not happy with how I look in that BOOBS picture.  For those of you who weren't there I am the one wearing purple on the right.  I know - get over it but if it keeps me motivated, then so be it!

Had a pretty good day yesterday.  Stayed right at 1200 calories.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love My Fitness Pal?  It makes it fun to put foods in and it keeps me accountable since I promised myself I would put down EVERYTHING no matter how bad.  On Sunday I even put in the 4 margaritas, chips, guac, fish tacos and I ended with about 1600 -1800 calories for the day which is something I would have been thrilled with prior to being banded. 

Crazy morning here so far - my 3 year old got his finger slammed in the door and it was so painful.  Luckily my husband was home so he took him right to the doctor and he is so much better at handling those things than I am.  He is calm and doesn't really freak out with the crying.  He is so great in stressful situtations and emergencies - but I can't for the life of me get him to take out the garbage consistently or turn the lights out when he leaves the room.  It must be his military training - he was in the Navy for 5 years before he went to college.  And his schooling -  he is a psychologist.  But it is when things like this happen that I get nervous if one of us isn't home and the boys are with the au pair or babysitter.  Next week we are planning to spend a night in the city for my husband's birthday - going to see the show from the creators of South Park - Book of Mormon.  I am not a big fan but it is his birthday. . . and its Broadway so I will enjoy either way.  Especially being more comfortable in my seat. 

I better get to work.  Have a great day! :)

 

Recent Picture - Feb 27, 2011 - Down almost 35 lbs

Here is a picture from last month when I was down almost 35. I definitely see the difference! :)
Now someone has to teach me how to do the side by side pictures.

There is a pretty big difference!

The date on this picture is wrong because I didn't adjust my camera.
This was taken the morning I went in for my lapband surgery on December 20, 2010.
I was laughing that I was actually posing for pictures like I was going into the hospital to give birth.
I look more than 9 months pregnant. I have to learn the whole side by side thing but will post a more recent photo soon.

Beyond My Goal - me at 130! In 1999 at 32 years old. . .

The first picture was in a limo in the Hampton's.  My bustier is LaPerla and I remember being so excited to wear it.  I think I still have it.  Notice the cigarette - I was only ever a social smoker and never anymore.  The second is with my niece - she was 2 and is now almost 14!

I don't think I will ever get down that low again. . . it was hard to maintain.  Got there through Phen-Fen.  How many of you tried that??!! 

FANTASTIC Time at the NYC BOOBS Brunch!

It was really great to meet so many people whose stories I read, loved, and was inspired by on their blogs.  However, I am not very happy looking at the pictures - I knew I should have worn my signature black instead of purple!  I look at the pictures and think to myself how awful I had to look 36 lbs heavier and how thankful I am that I began this journey. But it is also the kick in the a** I need to get restarted because I have barely lost anything this month.  I have been picking more - eating more chocolate - and yesterday at the brunch had way too much guac and too many margaritas.  I should have gone with my first instinct and ordered the ceviche - like Vanessa!  It was pretty hysterical how much food was left over at the table.  Also interesting to me to talk with people who said that the difference between 6 cc and 8 cc in a 10 cc band is huge.  I go for my next (3rd) fill on Monday and am excited to get to a new level of restriction.  Hopefully this will do the trick because I can basically eat anything. 

Came home after brunch to a very messy house and 3 rowdy boys.  Took my oldest to pick up some Chinese food so did a little more damage with Chicken and Broccoli but was back on the bandwagon today.  Protein shake for breakfast.  Piece of chicken for lunch.  Chobani and Zone bar as snacks and still have to eat dinner.  Going to post one of my favorite pictures of me back in 1999 when I weighed 130 lbs . . . .get ready girls - you won't recognize me from the girl you met yesterday (if you were there). 

Excited for my first Bandster Brunch in NYC tomorrow!!!

Just got back from the movies - we saw "Limitless" with Brad Cooper - he is very hot and I really enjoyed the movie.  Looking forward to meeting fellow bandster/bloggers tomorrow in NYC.  And can already taste the margarita I plan on having - I wonder if they have the "Skinny-Girl" version to keep the calories down.

I am feeling better but had a 24 hour nasty bug that kept me in the bathroom most of the night and pretty much all day today.  Sorry if TMI.  Luckily I was not throwing up.  Should be good for a loss on the scale tomorrow but I know that I will gain that right back!

Off to bed. . .xoxo

Scale moving again!

It feels great to be away for 2 days and come home and be lighter!  The scale was down this morning and so officially I am down 36.4 lbs!  Not that I am being precise or anything :)
Typically I would come home from business trips and the scale would always be up.  But now I make better choices (grilled salmon and veggies for lunch yesterday instead of even salad w/cheese and dressing) and am making sure to get the exercise in.  It also really makes a difference if I focus more on protein and not just calories. 

Home until next Wednesday and my goal is to STOP PICKING while in the house.  I can do it!!!! 

Addicted to my scale

And couldn't weigh myself this morning since I stayed over in NYC last night. I had almost a perfect day except I ate the warm nuts on the flight from Chicago to NYC and then also had some dinner - caesar salad and chicken breast so not terrible. But I have to start saying no when offered nuts. In my pre band life I would have had the nuts, a couple glasses of wine, bread, butter, the whole dinner and dessert. So I would say some good progress made.
This morning I went to the hotel gym and got in 30 minutes on the treadmill and burned 250 calories.
Sitting in my meeting now - the beauty of iPads with bluetooth keyboard :)

Goal for today - starting the week off right! What does the band mean to me?

And so far so good! I am in Chicago. I was thinking about the upcoming BOOBS in September in the taxi on the way to my hotel and how I hope I can swing the weekend away because it looked like so much fun last year! This is a great city -I have spent some fun times here in the past.

Today my meetings start at 12 so I technically could have come in this morning but didn't want to risk it. Who am I kidding. . . I love a night alone at the Ritz Carlton and will do it whenever I can :)

So this morning I was at the gym at 7:00 and did 40 minutes on the treadmill. Came back to my room and drank a lot of water and ate a delicious egg white frittata. Have to meet my boss in about an hour so I thought I would quickly blog.

A lot of people have been writing posts about what the band means to them. For me - being a relatively newbie - it is a tool that is allowing me to have control. It makes me hopeful that I can lose 100 lbs as so many of you have done. Without the band the thought of doing it on my own was just too overwhelming and felt hopeless. What I have learned almost 3 months in is that it does not take away your desire to eat (unless I sometime reach that sweet spot/green zone/G-Spot) that many of you have talked about and hopefully I will. But it does take away most of my hunger. I am not starving after eating just a small amount. It is not that difficult to stick to 1200 calories a day (easier if I burn 300 and eat 1500). And while my loss has slowed down - that is ok - it took me a long time to get here and I can put the time in and enjoy the way down.

You know I will need to look at this post when I am not in as hopeful a mood! I need to really refocus, stop snacking so that I can reach my weekly goal of 1-2 lbs instead of staying the same.

Have to run to go get ready. Hope everyone has a great week!

xoxo Susan

Been a bad blogger this week. . . but a pretty good NSV

And I didn't lose any weight - definite correlation between blogging and losing for me!  PICKING has been my problem.  I am picking on chocolate chips, pieces of brownie, hershey's kisses, pretzels and I need to stop.  No weight loss this week but thankfully no gain.  I spent Wednesday and Thursday in NYC at meetings.  Didn't stay over and took the train both days - I don't know how I ever did that everyday for 5 years.  (Well I did have 3 maternity leaves and likely never did it for 5 days in a row as I would sneak the work at home day in). 

So with the commuting I was only able to go on the treadmill for 3 days this week but will do today and tomorrow so that will help.  Tomorrow is my baby's 3rd birthday party.  He will be 3 on Friday but we are having the party a week early because of schedules.  I will be very happy when this party is over and then we don't start again until my middle son turns 5 in November. 

On to my NSV. . . on Wednesday I had an all day presentations skills workshop with one of my bosses where they filmed us giving presentations numerous times and then we watched together.  I was not thrilled with watching the video BUT I also did not majorly cringe and want to crawl into a hole which I consider an NSV.  All I kept thinking was "if this is what I look like after losing 35 lbs how did I ever walk around and go to meetings being 35 lbs heavier".  But no need to dwell or cringe about it because next time I do one of these I will be at least another 35 lbs lighter. 

Promise to blog more consistently but for now gotta go on the treadmill. . . Happy Weekend!

Pizza!!

Have been craving it and had to have it.  Relatively new place opened in the town next to mine that has a sister restaurant and been in business since 1935.  Thin crust - small pieces and I had not one, not two, but three - where the H*** is the restriction I talked about yesterday.  Although I am feeling quite full right now.  But it was just one of those things where I have been wanting for about a month and had to give in.  I am not going to beat myself up or use it as an excuse to eat more tonight - and tomorrow morning I will be right back on the treadmill. 

35 Down! Luggage Weight

Back from my trip and so happy to report I am now down 35 lbs from my high.  I am thrilled and feel great.  Yesterday at the airport I had a major revelation when they weighed my luggage.  I had been lugging this bag from the car and couldn't believe how heavy it was.  Turns out it was 36 lbs.  When I think about the fact that I have lost almost that and have more than that to go I am just astonished.  I often think when I lift my kids that I need to lose much more than they weigh but for some reason this luggage thing hit home.  Next time I feel like eating a lot - you can bet I will be thinking of how heavy that bag is! 

So far so good

I just can't believe how different the restriction is in this altitude. I have flown before and didn't feel like this. I went to the Hotel gym at 5:20 am - am so proud of myself. Walked rapidly for 40 minutes. Then had some breakfast - yogurt with some berries and granola but only ate half. Not having a problem with my coffee. We'll see how the day goes. Not going to try anything too difficult.

The Mile High City

I love it here. The mountains are calling me but I know it is not a good idea for me to ski when I am 75 lbs over from when I went the last time. So I will be back next year!
We have an early day tomorrow with meetings starting at 7. I am going to try to go to the gym from 5:30 to 6:00. We'll see. . .

Holy Restriction! I managed to eat a small piece of chicken on the plane and ever since them I am tighter than I have ever felt. Tomorrow should be interesting.

Hope everyone is doing well. I am really looking forward to the NYC Brunch.

Take care and have a good night!

Hello from Sunny Naples Florida! Need some help with posting pictures from iPhone using Blog Press

Hi Everyone! Last few days have been a bit crazy. Kids with stomach flu and getting ready for my Conference. I came down to Naples on Sunday morning and had a nice afternoon by the pool. The weather here has been gorgeous! Some NSV's - I fit better in the airplane seat (still room for improvement) and I didn't totally stress over packing because I had clothes that I liked that fit.

Getting dressed for dinner on Sunday night I felt good - like I used to. I even took pictures in the full length mirror and sent to my parents who wrote back I looked "fabulous" - a big compliment from them. I wish I knew how to post it - I have Blog Press and can't figure it out. If anyone can help please send me a message.
But the biggest one for me is that I was actually looking forward to coming down here. I have been attending this Conference since 1993 every year - I only missed one in 2008 because I was giving birth that month and couldn't travel. I am on the Board of the organization that sponsors it and I have run it in the past so I am very visible. And this year I didn't mind! It was like I used to be before I gained all the excess weight. A couple of people noticed and said nice things - not "you lost weight" but more - "you look great and happy". It also helps that I am really happy right now in my job and love what I am doing (although as we all know that could change) but for now I am enjoying it.

On the not so good side. . . my poor husband. Last night 2 of the boys were up throwing up. I just pray the stomach flu is gone by tomorrow night when I get home because I am petrified of catching it with the band.

Eating wise - I have been making good choices but clearly drinking more wine and not preparing my own food. Today I went to the gym and walked for 40 minutes at a rapid pace on the treadmill. This afternoon I am flying to Denver and with the 2 hour time difference I am hoping to get a workout in before my meetings tomorrow.

On Friday I am going to see Bethanny on tour. It will be a fun girls night out. I do think she is a bit full of herself but I like watching her.

Off the pack up and head to Miami for our flight to Denver.

Take care and hope everyone is well.

xoxo Susan

Fill update and some not so good news about incisional hernia

I got another 2cc's so now have 6 cc's in a 10 cc band.  I honestly don't feel any different - no gurgling and I am still able to gulp water.  I stuck to soft solids today as per surgeon's instructions.  I am less hungry so I guess it is working - but for lunch I was able to eat more than 1 cup of chili which surprised me.  I am sure I would have been full on less so I have to stop - but it is hard :)

I did get some bad news at the doctor's office yesterday.  I have an incisional hernia (likely from my 3 c-sections and being so overweight after).  I knew I had it but didn't think it was as bad as it is.  I don't have any pain or complications from it but the surgeon wants to fix it sooner rather than later to avoid emergency surgery.  Until I have it done I am at risk so likely going to do it in early August.  I know that sounds so far away but I have been living with this for a couple of years now.  I also don't want to disrupt my weight loss and it is a pretty major operation with recuperation much longer than the lapband.  And he told me more painful :(   It is larproscopic.  My recovery will be easier the more weight I lose so my goal is to lose another 50 lbs by August - aggressive but not too bad - 50 lbs in 6 months.  I can do it - after all . . . "failure is just not an option"! 

Today was also my first day using my BodyMedia fit and going to synch it now to see how many calories I burned. 

Hope everyone is doing well! 

xoxo Susan

Can't wait for my fill tomorrow!!! Loving My Fitness Pal and just got BodyMedia Fit Armband

Last week I posted that I wasn't sure if I needed one.  This week I 100% know that I do.  I can definitely eat too much at each sitting and really don't feel any restriction at all.  Luckily I have an appointment tomorrow.  I have been very diligent about logging in my food to My Fitness Pal on my iPhone which has me at 1200 calories a day.  I know that is probably a bit high for a bandster so I should lower it.  I think when I put my weight, height, activity level and how much I wanted to lose - that is what came up. 

I splurged today on the BodyMedia Fit Armband.  I read about people using it on a couple of blogs so I went to Costco and got it for $199.  Not cheap!  Which means I will have to wear it or feel very guilty :)  Will keep you posted on how I like it.  Does anyone else use it? 

Last week had a great work week - was in NYC for a Conference and just felt so much better about seeing people.  One major NSV for me was that when my CEO when to the podium to present on our company - I joined him and the other representative from my company at the table - visible for everyone to see.  Last year I hid in the audience.  I am just feeling more and more confident and like my old self in business. 

My husband met me in NYC and we stayed an extra night.  Had dinner at Blue Fin which I hadn't been to in forever - love all their fish dishes and then saw The Merchant of Venice on Broadway.  While I am not a huge Shakespeare fan since for me it is difficult to understand - my husband loved it and so that is what is important.  We stayed at this great boutique hotel on 46th off of 5th called The Gotham.  It was new, clean, and felt like living in an apartment building with extra services. 

The weekend has been hectic with kids and activities.  I got a number of comments on my weight loss from people who know about the band but none from others.  I think that people are just embarrased to mention weight when you are obviously still very overweight.  It will be very interesting to see when and what people say as the pounds drop. 

I continue to be so inspired by your blogs - while I watch TV with my kids I read blogs on my iPad.  I love going back to when some of you first started and I am picking up some great tips.  I am so excited for the March 20th NYC Bandster Brunch.  I feel like I know so many of you so well from reading your blogs from the beginning.  Today (taking a cue from Jen's blog) I increased my water consumption realizing I wasn't paying enough attention to how much I was drinking.

I need something to jump start the weight loss again - it seems like I have been at 32 lbs down for nearly a week now.  Hopefully the fill will do the trick.  I am leaving on a trip to Florida on Sunday for business to a nice resort in Naples.  But then leaving Tuesday to go for a one day trip to Denver.  I originally thought I would take a trip up to Aspen to visit a girlfriend but I just don't think I am ready to ski and I don't want to be away from home that long.  My goal is to plan a ski trip for December in Colorado - maybe a long weekend and be at a comfortable weight where I am not in extra danger of hurting myself. 

Sorry for the long post - that is what happens when I don't post for a week - need to post more often. 

xoxo  Susan

Jennifer Hudson and Other Stuff -- Down 32 lbs from High

Have any of you seen her recent interviews - specifically the one on Oprah and then at the Grammy's.  She looks amazing and is so excited about it.  I don't know why Weight Watchers won't let her say how much she has lost.  But the thing I love the most is when she says she just can't sleep because she is so excited to wake up in the morning and get dressed.  I remember that feeling and so want it back again!  As I have mentioned, prior to 2004 my weight always fluctuated from about 130 lbs to 170 lbs or I really was mostly in the range from 145 lbs to 160 lbs.  But those times that I got down to 130 - 140 I was obsessed with getting dressed in the morning and became a shopaholic because everything looked great.  I have to be careful not to shop obsessively anymore now that I have kids and so many other expenses but I can get that feeling back of just loving putting on clothes.  I am sure many of you already have it!  

Yesterday was 8 weeks since I was banded and I am down 32 lbs from my high.  Feels terrific!  Our ski weekend was good - of course for the first hour the boys complained about the boots, etc but once they got going they really loved and wanted to go faster and down bigger hills.  They also love staying in hotels so were very excited on Friday night.  I am looking forward to taking them again and torn as to whether I can go with them.  I think I would be fine on the bunny slope but just so afraid to do any damage that would stop me from being able to exercise. 

I have been logging my food on My Fitness Pal and love it.  I know a lot of you are using it as well.  Now that I have my iPhone it is so easy to update. 

I still need to figure out how to upload pictures easier from my iPhone.  I did download the Blogger app but I think that is just to post - if I can do pictures from the iPhone and someone can explain how - that would be great. 

Leaving shortly for a Conference in NYC today and tomorrow and sleeping in tonight :).  Tomorrow night my husband is meeting me and we are going to see The Merchant of Venice on Broadway with Al Pacino.  It is suppose to be great so I am very excited.  We are debating whether to spend Wednesday night in the city as well.  Would be nice not to have to take the train home after the show and I have babysitter coverage so we'll see.  My husband gets nervous leaving the boys overnight with just the au pair even though everything will be fine and we have done it a couple of times before. 

Have to go get ready.  Have a great day! 

xoxo  Susan

To Fill or Not To Fill. . . that is the question????

Three weeks ago I had my first fill of 4cc in a 10cc band.  I postponed my second fill scheduled for yesterday for a few reasons. 

First, I have to go to NYC for my fills (about an hour on the train although I then have to take a cab up to Columbia on the Upper West side) and had a lot of things to do so needed the couple of hours to finish (although I could have made it work). 

Second, I have to be in NYC this afternoon and all day tomorrow for a conference and was a little nervous about sticking to liquids/mushies while away.  Also feared since I have not had any stuck/PB episodes I might be overconfident while eating and go to fast. 

And third, my weight is down and I am feeling pretty good.  As of this morning I am down 32 lbs from my high and it is 8 weeks since my surgery.  Granted I would say 90% has been willpower and just being focused on thinking "failure is just not an option". 

The other 10% is knowing the band is there.  I do feel full with the band but could honestly keep on eating.  I have always been more of a volume eater rather than sweets so it is keeping the volume in control.  I do still think about food and what my next meal is going to be and how much I would love to have a bowl of pasta or a pizza.  All of your experienced bandsters - would a fill take those thoughts away? 

In reading Gen's blog she is at her Green Spot now and it sounds great but I am just scared of potential issues that could arise from tightening.  That being said. . . if it would accelerate my weight loss I should and will do it.  I tentatively set an appt for next Tuesday.  The other thing I fear is it will take away from my ability to eat the foods that are good for me - I mostly eat chicken and dense protein right now and its working for me.  I do know I could slow down and chew better. 

HELP!!!  Going to post separately about what's been going on. 
   

Soooooo close to 30 lbs down!

I am 0.4 away but I don't count it until I see the real number!  I probably would have reached it if not for all the cheese platters at our office in Bermuda.  But I did go to the gym every morning so I came home down 0.5 lb and am very happy with that. 
I am taking my two older boys skiing tomorrow - we are leaving tonight and going up to Butternut in Massachusetts.  I am so excited even though I won't be skiing.  Skiing has been one of my all time favorite activities since I was 7.  I love everything about it and am so excited to share with my boys.  My husband never skiied unfortunately but I will get him into it.  I have just spent the last 7 years either pregnant or felt too heavy to ski.  I still feel it would be a bit dangerous for me but unlike 30 lbs ago I bet I could do it if I were careful but being down closer to 50 is likely safer.  I even found a pair of pants to fit - on Lands End size XL - Petite so the length is good - and I guess that is an NSV since they are not plus size!  Just the fact that I am taking them is a major victory for me because a few months ago I would have been too lazy. 
Off to pack - hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

xoxo Susan

Keep me away from the Cheese!

It seems that our office is very big on cheese platters. At every meeting I am tempted. I gave in twice today but just had a small amount and a total of two crackers. Back at the hotel now. I should just skip dinner but I know I will then spend the night contemplating getting room service. . . so here I sit at the hotel bar/lounge/restaurant and I ordered a grilled salmon with steamed vegetables. And am typing on my new Zaggmate keyboard for the iPad. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my iPad????

Contemplating a glass of wine but thinking it will just about wipe out my 40 minute workout on the treadmill this morning at the hotel gym so I think I am going to pass.

Tomorrow night there is a cocktail party at our office and you know what that means - MORE CHEESE. I definitely need to wake up at 6 again and get my butt back on the treadmill. I am hoping to come back on Thursday and at least stay even with my weight from when I left.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

Mike and Molly - What do you think of the show?

I really like it and think it is one of the funniest shows on.

Hello from Sunny and Warm Bermuda!

It is beautiful here. I left my house at 6:30 and the boys were up. Much sweeter than last night. All standing there and kissing me goodbye. I made my protein shake before I left and also took some fresh berries with me and a vanilla Chobani yogurt. The flight was great - we flew on a private jet and I fit in my seat and didn't have to struggle with the seatbelt.

I felt great in my black suit but noticed it is getting too big and then the material wrinkles. I should be able to get a few more wearings out of it.

We had the Board meeting during the day. A few of the Directors praised my presentation which is the ultimate compliment. So I was thrilled about that. The bad part was dinner - my band decided not to come and I ended up eating a whole tomato mozzarella salad - I should have eaten half. And my whole fish dish which wasn't too bad but in a light cream sauce.

Today is definitely not going in the food log - way too many calories.
I am really hoping I have the energy to wake up and go to the gym at 6:30. Even if I just do 30 minutes it will be a victory!

More meetings tomorrow and going to try to enjoy the weather a bit.

Have a nice night everyone. And I am in for the NYC Lunch on March 20th. Looking forward to meeting everyone!

xoxo Susan

A little vent. . . and an NSV

Hi everyone - I have been a bad blogger this week but I have been reading and commenting on your posts.  Today was a tough day - my kids are really out of control.  They just don't listen - have no respect for things - and as much as we try with time outs and taking things away - it is so hard for them to understand consequences.  My husband keeps saying they are 2, 4, and 6 but I still think kids should be better behaved.  I probably shouldn't be blogging right now b/c I am in a terrible mood.  I am leaving on my business trip to Bermuda tomorrow and so I had to pack and get ready - get the house ready since I will be gone until Thursday - making sure there is food - snacks for the boys - that everyone is paid - that schedules are done, etc.  My husband decides today of all days he is going to make chili.  So while I need him watching the kids so I can pack  - he is downstairs making a mess - the boys are tearing up the room with their toys - and the cushions are all off the couch.  So after packing and reviewing my presentation that I need to make to our Board - I come down to "Animal House".  And the house stinks like cumin and chili spices.  Not to mention the fact that I want to watch the Superbowl but married the only guy I know not into football. 
Okay - enough venting. 

On to better things. . . I have been very diligent on my walking - on the treadmill every day this week for 40 minutes - I steepened the incline and am going at a faster pace.  The scale has been pretty good too - down almost 29 total (0.2 lbs away).  Not the 30 that I had hoped for by tomorrow morning but I will take it. 

Looking forward to getting on that plane tomorrow.  Car service picking me up at 6:30 am.  And an NSV - I am not in a total panic before a business trip because I don't have anything to wear.  Tomorrow I am going to wear this great black Tahari suit that I bought months ago online at Bloomingdales for 60% off.  It didn't fit but I was too lazy to return it and hoped that someday it would.  Last week I finally had they pants and sleeves shortened.  I tried it on today and it was so great to wear something for business that felt nice and professional again and not just trying to get away with wearing sweaters and slacks to meetings.  It really is a great suit and I look forward to giving it to someone when it no longer fits. 

Yesterday was a better day than today - took the boys on errands in the morning while my husband caught up on stuff and then at 3:00 had some "me time" for hair color, nails, etc.  Then out to dinner with my husband and saw Black Swan.  Really liked it and wasn't disturbed as so many have said.  Natalie Portman deserves that Oscar. 

Well - better get back to the craziness - putting them to bed is not going to be fun tonight.  Will post from Bermuda. 

xoxo Susan

Stylish Blogger Award Response - FINALLY

So sorry it has taken me so long to post.  Thank you to everyone who nominated me!  So. . . seven things about me. . . here goes and not necessarily in any order. 

1.    I let my boys eat way too much fast food.  But they are all underweight so not concerned about problems there.  But what is worse is I often go to the drive through and let them eat it in the car. 

2.  I am a total TV addict - both drama and Reality TV - especially The Real Housewives - and I love all of them, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Orange County, New York City, Atlanta.  I didn't love the Washington D.C. but still watched it. 

3.  At one point I really thought I wouldn't get married and have kids.  Now I have had 3 kids in 7 years of marriage and sometimes miss my single life.  Don't get me wrong I wouldn't change anything but just a case of the grass is always greener.  I also always wanted a daughter but am over it now and love having 3 of a kind.

4.  Way too often I let the scale dictate my mood.  I weigh myself multiple times a day - even when the scale is going up.  So I knew exactly how much weight I was gaining and can't figure out why I didn't put a stop to it sooner.

5.  When my OB-GYN first mentioned Lapband to me after my third child I thought there was no way I could give up my wine (I thought you weren't allowed to drink with the band) and couldn't even fathom the thought of drinking a protein shake and eating mushy food.  Now I love protein shakes and have no problem pureeing things. 

6.  I have two younger sisters who are my best friends and I adore. 

7.  I have the BRCA gene which puts me at a higher risk for Breast and Ovarian cancer.  My mother had Stage 4 Ovarian cancer when she was 47 (I was 23) and 21 years later is still cancer free.  My sisters both have the gene as well.  We all had our ovaries removed (sudden menopause was not fun) and they are each contemplating masectomies but I can't even think about that until I get this weight off.  

Now I am suppose to nominate 15 people but too hard to pick to if you are reading this, I nominate you! 
Hope you all enjoyed learning a few random facts about me. . .it has been great reading all of your posts too.

HAPPY MONDAY! Banded 6 weeks ago today. . . and down 27 lbs from high

Good morning bloggers!  Hope everyone had a good weekend.  This winter weather in Connecticut is getting really tough to deal with - makes everything difficult - even just taking my son to the bus at the end of the block or driving anywhere since we can only fit one car down our road so if someone is coming you need to pull into a driveway - totally nuts!  And the forecast says more snow tomorrow - this will likely be here through April. 

But I am not going to let it get me down BECAUSE. . . I saw a new recent low on the scale this morning and am now down 27 lbs!  Very excited.  I really wanted it to be 30 lbs by next Monday morning but it will be tough to lose 3 lbs in one week - going to try though! 

The even better news and NSV for me is I was able to get through my son's birthday weekend (he is 6 today), have family and friends over for a party and still lose.  I have also been out to dinner 3 times in the last week and just made band friendly healthy choices - although I need to be careful of that slider food called cheese.  Way too easy to eat and I love it. 

I think that walking on the treadmill every day is what has helped me so I really need to keep it up.  I have been doing 40 minutes or about 2 miles.  I have also started walking on an incline which burns so many more calories.  As soon as I get to a more comfortable weight level I really want to start doing other activities like getting into a tennis game or even classes at the gym.  I have to admit I have been a bit of a gym phobic my whole life because of the skinny-mini's.  One of which is one of my best friends who is so into the Zumba, spinning, and all these great sounding classes.  As soon as I feel confident enough I will try it.  But for now I am happy with my home gym which is really quite nice.  Thinking of treating myself to a Eliptical machine or something else for cardio other than the treadmill if I can fit it into our budget. 

Speaking of which - it is so crazy how much we end up spending on kids birthday parties.  Between renting the place, pizza, cake, party favors it really adds up.  And I have 3 kids going through the whole birthday party thing.  Today I am bringing cupcakes into my son's class (even though his whole class was at the party yesterday) and since I am not baking them and chancing the lick of the spoon, taste of the frosting, or worse yet - taste of the cupcake, it will be another birthday expense. 

Back to my band, I don't really feel much restriction from my fill yet - am hoping the next one scheduled for February 14th - will do the trick. 

I haven't forgotten my Stylish Blogger Award and will try to post later.  But time to get back to work.  Hope everyone has a great day! 

xoxo  Susan

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First fill update

On the train home since my doctor is in NYC. It took her 3 times to find my port. It was uncomfortable but didn't really hurt. She had me do a crunch on the table to help find it. So I had nothing in there and she put 4 cc's in my 10 cc band.
Felt a bit of a difference when I drank the water. Starving!! Only liquids today. Have to stop at the deli for some chicken broth since I really don't like the box kind.
Thinking of Gen and her soup from Nordstroms (I have read so many blogs but Gen I think that was you) which would be delicious right now but they said only clear soup for me for the day. Still have ice pops and jello so will have that as well.

Bye for now. . .

Tomorrow's fill can't come quick enough. . . been picking and grazing all day - what is happening to me? Question on restriction after first fill.

Thanks for all the support posts. I was doing really well but definitely had an off day. Maybe because I know I am going for my fill tomorrow? I know I need to nip it in the bud.

Day started out normal - up early - made my protein shake even before I fed the boys at 7 (275 calories w/skim milk and half banana). Had a Pure Protein bar (200 calories) at 10:45 before I went on the treadmill. I walked briskly for 40 minutes and did a little over 2 miles.

Before my lunch I had 2 small bites of my son's Lasagna (75 calories - can't be more than that) Lunch was at 1:00 and I had one cup of Southwest Chicken Tortilla Soup and about 5 ounces of Rotisserie chicken (130 + 200 calories).  So far 875.  Snacked in the afternoon on 1 cup of blueberries (85 calories). 

Right before dinner I had 3 bagel chips and 1 oz of pepper jack cheese and 2 bites of a hot dog no bun (200 calories).  Then I knew if I didn't eat I would continue grazing.  This has not happened to me since surgery so I was getting scared.  I sat down and had about 6 ounces of Rotisserie chicken (260 calories). 

So my total for the day is ~  1420.  I think the most I have eaten since surgery!!  I guess I burned about 250 walking so I am under 1200 for the day. 

I am not going to be too hard on myself.  Glad that I just blogged this so I am accountable!!

Question about fill - how many of you felt some restriction after the first one? 

xoxo  Susan

My First Award - 5 Guilty Pleasures - This is going to be tough to narrow down! :)

Thank you so much to Rachel at Rachel Thin Within for nominating me!  This is going to be fun.  I told my husband and he said - how are you ever going to narrow down all your guilty pleasures.  Very funny - huh!!
Here goes. . .

1.  Sex and the City.  I have been addicted since it first came on the air in the late 90's.  I remember I used to rush home from weekends in the Hampton's in 1999 to catch it - this was clearly before DVR's, HBO on Demand, and iTunes.  I particularly related since I am basically the same age as the girls and was single and living in the city at the time.  And I had my own "Mr. Big" like character who wouldn't commit but unlike Carrie he is not my current husband.  Now whenever I need an uplift I just watch an old episode.  I must have seen all of them no fewer than 10 times each - I can't believe I just admitted that. . . 

2.  iTunes.  Everyone says how can she work, have 3 little kids, and watch so many TV shows.  I use a combination of DVR and iTunes.  I love to download series of shows that I missed when they were on like Damages - totally amazing.  And Rescue Me - another favorite.  And for all of you Sex and the City fans I found a show called Mistresses on BBC which was great and like the British version of SATC. 

3.   I am a Designer Shoe addict.  Since having kids and having to pay for nannies, etc I have not been able to support my shoe (and purse) habit.  Also gaining weight over the last 7 years has tamed me some since my feet hurt in heels and most shoes.  So instead of Manolo's and Jimmy Choos I now wear Stuart Weitzman, Taryn Rose, Donald Pliner, and my comfy Dansko's everyday.  However I have already been eyeing some cute Tory Burch wedge sandals for the Spring.

4.  Hair and make-up products.   I love good make up and shampoo.  Laura Mercier is my favorite on the make-up and use Paul Mitchell, Pureology, or Fredric Fekaii for my hair. 

5.  Fine dining and wine.  It wouldn't be a guilty pleasure list without something food related!  I LOVE restaurants.  Whenever I am going to a new city I check out the Zagat's guide for the best restaurants.  I also love drinking wine although have cut back a lot even before my surgery and try to only drink when out. 

Now to nominate three bloggers.  I don't think I have the links right but are:  Angie at This Banded Mom's Journey, Momto4redheads at Canadian Girl With a Band, and MLM at Banded to Lose. 

Officially down 25 lbs from high! One Month Bandiversary

Has it really only been a month?  It feels like so much longer since I began my new way of life.  I honestly can not remember the last time I stuck to a program like this.  And it really hasn't been that difficult.  Well, maybe recently has gotten tougher but am hoping with my first fill on Tuesday that I won't be as hungry.  And I am just enjoying blogging and meeting all of your through your blogs so much!  I can't tell you how much the comments and support help. 

I loved my time in NYC.  I don't think I appreciated it enough when I lived there - all I wanted was a husband, kids, and house in Connecticut.  Well - I have that now and wouldn't you know I miss my days in NYC.  Luckily for my job I have to go in some but not too much.  Commuting from where I live is at least an hour on the train and too much for everyday - although I used to do it. 

This morning I weighed in and was down 0.5 lbs since Sunday - which I am very happy about since all of my meals since Monday have been out.  And it brings me to my 25 lb total.  My next short term goal is to lose another 5 lbs by February 7th when I leave on my next trip to Bermuda.  I think if I stick to my treadmill walking and the liquids following my fill should help me get there. 

On the home front - today is another snow day which is quite frustrating since I have a lot of errands to do.  Our Au Pair is going to Hawaii for a week which will make it tough for me to get much done outside of work. 

No major plans this weekend other than to watch the JETS game on Sunday.  Would be so amazing for them to be in the Superbowl for the first time since 1969! 

Off to get a couple of miles in on the treadmill - the best part about working from home.  Take my blackberry down to our basement gym with me so I can answer e mails and if someone calls I am "in the bathroom" :)  Would have been nice if I got on this program 2 years ago instead of gaining 30+ lbs but as they say better late than never. . .

Have a great day!

Discovering I can eat way too much. . . am definitely in Bandster Hell. Can't wait for my 1st fill!

First - welcome to my new followers!  So happy to have you - if you have a blog please leave me a message with the link so I can make sure to follow you too. 

As I have commented in previous posts I have been so careful and good about eating, almost afraid to push the limit.  Well I am discovering I can eat more than I expected I could and not really feeling any restriction. 
I left on a 3 day business trip yesterday to Baltimore and NYC.  Had lunch with my husband before I got on the train at Capital Grille - so delicious and lunch is "relatively" reasonable.  I ordered the sirloin salad which was basically a sliced steak with salad on the side.  I was only able to eat 2 out of 8 pieces of the steak and most of the salad.  I was very full on the train. 

At night I had dinner with my boss and ordered crab appetizer (always good in Maryland) and rockfish for dinner that was amazing but I was only able to eat half of each.  I feel so guilty eating food where I don't know what the calories are and I need to just get over it.  Plus even eating half of each seems like a lot compared to the dinners I make myself at home where I can measure things.  

I went to the hotel gym - my new thing :) this morning at 6:00 am and did 30 minutes on the treadmill so am doing well with my exercise.  I had to be ready by 7:30 so it was all I could manage.  I didn't have time to find someone to make my protein shake so was thrilled that at our breakfast meeting there was Chobani yogurt.  Then took the train back to NYC and had cottage cheese and fruit.  Met a friend for lunch at Bar Americain - another great meal and had some tuna tartare which has become one of my favorite band friendly things to order out since it is already cut into such small pieces and then we shared a cobb salad with no bacon - another thing I like to order out because I eat the chicken, egg white, and a bit of the avocado and cheese.  Today I feel like I ate too much of the cheese. 

I am meeting some friends for drinks and then out to dinner again.  I feel like I am living my old single life in NYC and. . . I am loving it!  But I know that on Thursday I have my husband and 3 delicious boys to go home to.  And it is too hard to diet like this.  The band is keeping me in check somewhat but I really can't wait to have the restriction and hope my first fill on Tuesday helps. 

I saw a picture of myself from the baby shower I went to on Sunday and was not happy.  And that was after losing 24 lbs. . .so hopefully that will help me make good decisions at dinner.  

I don't know if I will be able to get to the gym in the morning since the car service is picking my up at 7:15 am.  But considering I have walked at least 30 minutes on the treadmill for each of the last 7 days - I can take a one day break. 

Off to Lavo, an chic relatively new restaurant off Madison Ave to meet some girlfriends before having dinner with another of my bosses. 

xoxo   Susan

Lapband mentioned on The View today

Did anyone see The View?  They had a girl who is a food addict and someone who wrote a book about food addiction.  She said she had Lapband surgery and gained weight because she ate all the slider food - milkshakes, etc.  It was disappointing to hear the failure on TV although we all know it can happen.  It gave me more motivation to prove that I will be successful and "failure is just not an option"! 

I am feeling no restriction and am starting to eat more and more food rather than mushies but so far so good with portions.  My willpower is holding!  So now that I am not really sore anymore it feels like I am just on a diet and didn't even have the surgery.  I can't wait to start getting filled on the 25th.  10 more days :)  Let's hope I can hold out and kick this Bandster Hell's butt. 

My business trip to Bermuda went really well.  I had so much more confidence giving me presentation in front of everyone down only 22 lbs (now it is closer to 24!) and I know I am going to feel so much better every week.  I have a pretty busy schedule for the next few months so I need to keep it up.  I will be back in Bermuda in early February for our Board meeting, have a big Conference in NYC the following week.  Early March another great Conference in Naples, Florida that rather than dreading as I have the last few years I will be looking forward to as I used to many years ago.  And a trip to San Francisco in May.

I am really proud of myself for working out in the hotel gym.  That is truly a first for me to do it consistently for 3 days.  This next week will be tougher but I am going to try. 

The best part of my Bermuda trip was the flight home.  I got to fly on a G-4 plane - which I didn't really know what it was but is a private Gulfstream Jet.  I flew with some senior execs from my company who fly on NetJets a few times a month.  Their plane was upgraded and so we got to ride home in real luxury.  We were having wine (I did indulge for the first time at 30,000 feet above and thankfully didn't get sick but I could feel the difference drinking wine with the band) and watching the sunset.  It was pretty amazing! 

The second best part was getting on the scale post trip and being 1.5 lbs lighter!  Typically after 3 days of eating, drinking, and sitting in meetings I would come home up 5 lbs that would never come off. 

Tonight my husband and I took the boys to see Gulliver's Travels (wait for it to come on DVD) and then out to a burger place for dinner.  I had a Greek yogurt snack at the movies that I smuggled in and for dinner I ordered a cobb salad with no bacon.  I ate the chicken, some avocado, and the egg whites. 

Have a pretty busy weekend.  Tomorrow taking the boys to see Mickey Mouse on Ice.  Sunday a couples baby shower for one of the girls who used to work for me who is pregnant with twins.  And Monday taking the train down to Baltimore and will have dinner with my boss before our roadshow of meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday.  It should be interesting since I did not tell him about the band yet - not that I am embarrassed but I just don't want people to watch what I eat - and I want to make sure that I am successful.

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend and those of you in the Northeast - stay warm!  It is freezing out!

xoxo Susan

 
  

Major NSV for me!

I have been traveling on business for twenty years and can count on one hand the number of times I have gone to a hotel gym.  This morning up at 5:30 am Bermuda time which is 4:30 EST and I hit the gym at my hotel to walk 40 minutes on the treadmill.  I am really proud of myself for doing it and it felt great.  I didn't let my usual fears of running into someone at the hotel or the gym and having them see me in workout clothes get to me.  After all - they see me dressed and know what I look like so seeing me workout and adapt a healthier lifestyle would only be a plus! 

Last night went out to a restaurant and had delicious Tuna Tartare and had no issues.  I was full enough and willpower kept me from eating anything else that I knew would slide down. 

I just hope I can keep it up.  Blogging about it definitely helps. 

In about an hour I have to give a presentation to our entire senior management team - I know that if I hadn't lost the 22 lbs I would definitely be self conscious and even though 22 is only a small amount compared to what I need to lose, I just have so much more confidence and feel better.  Remember one of the things that pushed me to the surgery was that I felt my weight was going to hold me back professionally.  Will let you know how it goes :)

Good-bye for now. . .hope everyone has a great day! 

"Failure is not an option!!"

I read it on someone's blog and it is really helping me because I feel the same way.  Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since I was banded.  I am down 22 lbs as of this morning and really feeling great.  I am following all the rules - eating 4-5 small meals every 3 hours and while I don't really feel the restriction, I am full after a small amount.  Drinking a lot of water, not drinking an hour after meals, and I have been walking on my treadmill for 40 minutes every day.  I do have to use willpower a lot with foods that I know I wouldn't have any trouble with the band.  But everytime I get tempted I just think about the extreme that I had to do to lose weight.  Honestly I remember myself lying in pain in the recovery room and the couple of days after surgery.  (For anyone not banded it was not terrible and I would do it again in an instant!) I am determined not to give in to the Bandster Hell. 

Today we went to visit my cousin for her birthday and my sister stopped by.  They hadn't seen me since 5 days out - when I was down about 8 lbs.  They both totally saw the difference and that felt good.  When we said good-bye I said "Next time you see me I will be smaller" and it felt great because I know it will be true.  We live about an hour away and I likely won't see them until the end of the month at my son's birthday party.
Tomorrow I go on a business trip to Bermuda for our semi-annual senior management meetings.  I will be with a group of 30 eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 3 days.  I am actually not even nervous.  Last time I was there (pre-op diet) I just told people I was doing a protein shake diet if I felt the need and will likely do the same.  I have packed up some protein shakes.  The person planning knows about my band and told me there will be soup at every meal so I will just stick to that. And I am sure there will be plenty of yogurt too.  There is a store across from the hotel that sells Chobani.
I am really looking forward to being away.  My boys are exhausting and since I work at home when I am not traveling I really look forward to these trips.  I will actually be away a couple of days next week too but just in NYC and Baltimore.  Luckily my husband is fantastic, we have our au pair that lives in, and a babysitter that helps out 3 mornings a week.   

Hope everyone had a great weekend.  Will post from Bermuda and maybe get a nice picture or two to put up. 

xoxo Susan