I HATE BLOGGER! SO UPSET

I just spent 40 minutes typing my 6 month bandiversary post really pouring out my feelings and it was lost when trying to upload. 
No time to write again now. Just had to share my frustration.  It S***!!!! 

Still here! Fill Update - I don't get it ?????

I read all your posts multiple times a day but I haven't been posting - I don't really know why.  Things are fine - I would say still pretty status quo.  I am at 225.4 which is down 39 lbs from my high.  The lowest I have gotten is 221.4.  My six month bandanniversary is June 20th and I was really hoping to be down 60 lbs but now will be thrilled if I get get closer to 50 lbs down which will be tough. 

I had a slight fill earlier in the week and now am at 8.7 cc in my 11 cc band.  I think that is so much to have in there but I still can eat pretty much anything I want and I don't get it.  I have never PB'd.  I have gotten stuck a couple of times - mostly from eating dry chicken too fast or one time a string cheese. 

I have to admit that I am never really hungry and I know that it is the purpose of the band so from that aspect it is definitely doing its job.  I guess where I am a bit disappointed/confused is the amount of food that I can still eat without any trouble at this high level of restriction.  Has this happenned to anyone else?  I know that the band is just a tool and I need to start thinking of it that way again and find my willpower to begin losing again.  I think I was successful early on because I was so afraid of the band.  Unfortunately not so afraid anymore. 

The thing I still don't get when I read about some of you being so tight and PBing from water and only able to eat such small quantities that you need an unfill - why is that not happening to me.  I know I should be glad on the one hand. 

I guess it comes down to this unbelievable appetite I have and how much I love to eat - that is what got me to 265 lbs in the first place.  I need to get it under control. 

Any advice/suggestions please send my way!

So jealous BUT inspired by The Biggest Loser

Haven't watched regularly but watching tonight and these transformations in just 5 months are amazing! and I am loving watching the videos with the heavy self talking to the new thin self. I actually have tears in my eyes.

I need to refocus so I can consistently lose again.

In Bermuda and home tomorrow. Another great trip but too many meals out. I did go to the gym this morning and will go again tomorrow before my flight.

Status Quo - in the same "trading range"

Unfortunately I am still in the same "trading range" as we say in my business.  Up and down the same 2-3 lbs and I just can't break out of it.  But I will.  I keep reminding myself what I said at the beginning of this journey that "FAILURE IS JUST NOT AN OPTION".   And I know I will get down to goal - it will jsut take time. I am still proud of my progress - down 40 lbs (give or take 2-3) in a little less than 5 months.  My biggest problem is head hunger because I eat more than I need to - to satisfy my hunger.  I am just not hungry most of the time but I still find myself looking for something to eat. 

I really don't see how I could need a fill since I am up to 8.5 in a 10 cc band. 
On the exercise front I have been doing great - walking at least 40 minutes 5-6 times a week. 

I went to California this week on a business trip - to San Francisco, one of my favorite cities.  Had a great time - went to a Giants game and my meetings all went well.  This month I am on the road a lot - it just varies by the time of year.  I am back to Bermuda for a quick Monday to Wednesday trip this week and then home for one night before spending a night in NYC for another Conference.  I know it must sound like a lot having three little kids but I really am fortunate that when I am not traveling I work at home so get to see them much more than if I were in an office for 5 days a week.  They are really good about it too and don't complain.  Part of that is because we have had a wonderful Au Pair for the last 18 months and her last day was yesterday.  We are very sad but know that she has to go back home to Sweden and her family.  Our old Au Pair from Finland is visiting for 7 weeks starting in June and then we will welcome a new one at the end of June- also from Finland.  So some changes going on here and hopefully the boys will adjust well. 

Tonight I am hoping to get my husband to go see that new movie "Bridesmaids".  It got great reviews and I heard it was hysterical and not just a chick flick.  Two of my friends are going but I feel bad leaving my husband on a Saturday night.  I say that now but we'll see. . . girls night out might win. 

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend and I am going to try really hard to be a better blogger.  I think blogging helps so much and keeps me accountable.  So strategy is to focus on staying below 1200 calories, keep up my exercise, drink water, and BLOG! 

xoxo Susan

Great Trip to Bermuda :) NSV's!

My last morning in Bermuda.  Came down here for our quarterly Board meeting.  This was one of my best trips yet!  I am just feeling so much better about myself - have my confidence back which just shows in everything that I do.  One of the reasons I got the lap band was because I felt my weight was really beginning to affect my career and it was a horrible feeling.  So things are definitely back on track and headed in the right direction.  Down on the scale. . . I hope.  A good thing about being here is I can't weigh myself and for someone who is as scale obsessed as I am (literally about 6 times a day) it is a refreshing break.  I know how bad it is to weigh myself so many times a day but one issue at a time here.

Lots of NSV's - mostly people commenting although on an individual basis that I lost weight and giving me encouragement.  I was so much more comfortable on the airplane.  Also went to the gym for the last 4 mornings in a row before 7:00 am and did 40 minutes of fast walking on the treadmill.  My favorite part of the day was stopping at the hotel pool for 15 minutes with a cup of coffee after my workout.  

I was pretty good at meals but not great - I ordered fish at every dinner - had no bread at all - but at one dinner I accept the dessert that was served thinking I would eat the berries but it was the most delicious almond tiramisu and I didn't resist!  I am definitely able to still enjoy dining.  Had more wine than I should have but that's okay - we were all out enjoying.

Can't wait to get home and see my boys.  But I really do cherish my time away on business trips.  Working at home I sometimes miss the interaction with people in the office.  Luckily I have the best of both worlds. . . life is good!  :) 

Will post more later and hopefully the scale will be friendly. 

xoxo  Susan

So far so good. . .getting back on track

My goal today is to avoid snacking!! 

8:30 am    Fage Greek yogurt with 1 cup strawberries
10:30 am  40 minute walk on treadmill at 4.0 incline and 3.5-3.6 mph
11:30 am  Protein shake (EAS Myloplex Lite in vanilla w/frozen strawberries)
2:00 pm    1 cup Southwestern Tortilla soup pureed with rotisserie chicken
4:00 pm    Tzo Passion fruit tea

I have to keep it going and take one day at a time. 

Fingers crossed this fill does the trick!

Got my fill yesterday - 1 cc so now I am up to 8.5 cc's.  I am not hungry but I really need to focus on the head hunger.  I still have the desire to eat.  So I need to get back in the losing mode because I know that will motivate me.  I was doing so well and then got caught up in PIZZA!  I am staying away from PIZZA and wine for now.  I do have plans on Saturday night and if I am good for the next couple of days I will allow myself 2 glasses of wine while out but must order grilled fish and vegetables and stay away from carbs. 

About to hit the treadmill. . . step 1.